Love Pangs

Emaline Jane, photo by Jonathan Schoeck

Emaline Jane Kirnie arrived, July 6 at 6:04am, 7lbs 10oz, 21 inches long. In four short weeks, she has entered our hearts and changed us forever.

The first feeling in that first moment of meeting your newborn is a different experience for every mother. Some speak of love at first sight or an instantaneous bond. Others grapple with the experience of less amorous emotions that leave them confused or even depressed. The expectations around this first moment are extremely high and its important to know that its okay and completely normal to have feelings other than love.

When I held her for the first time, it wasn't quite love I felt but rather, ecstatic relief. Such happy relief that she had finally arrived, my labor had ended, I had heard her cry and she was a healthy baby girl! Then, love began to grow.

I guess you might call the first sensations of love, 'pangs of joy'.  It happened when I saw them together - Nate with Emaline, my husband with his daughter. The sweet sight of them would tug so strongly at my heart that I would feel as though I may weep and laugh all at once.

It makes perfect sense and is a wonderful affirmation of our relationship that my love for her would grow from my love for Nate, the love that brought her into being. As our love for her blossoms, I hope we never lose sight of the fact that our love came first.